


and it was nice

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau POV, F/F, Pining, Short & Sweet, Unrequited Love, add dear happy to the playlist if you want a real sad time, bittersweet that is, it's not happy!, this is the worst thing i've ever written and i am not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21666388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: It was hard to not notice Jester. She was a bright light in a dim world. It was hard not to notice Jester.It was hard to turn away. Beau knew she should. Beau forced herself to look away. It was the right thing to do. Beau told herself this. Beau told herself a lot of things.Deep breath, move your eyes to your drink, your table, your hands. Keep your gaze low. Keep your hopes with it. They’ll choke you otherwise, She tells herself  these things. It’s still hard.-falling in love with your best friend always feels like it's in slowmo
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	and it was nice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alicia_Antioch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alicia_Antioch/gifts).



> originally posted on tumblr  
> find me there at howlingheartdemigod
> 
> thanks as always to my sister for editing, you can find her at alicia_antioch  
> comments are apprecieated
> 
> title from dodie's i knew you once
> 
> here are two songs to listen to while reading and one to bring your mood back up  
> I Knew You Once - original song || dodie  
> a love song/a non love song || Jon Cozart and dodie  
> Would You Be So Kind? - live | dodie

Beau’s eyes trailed on spinning skirts, and she smiled.

It was hard to not notice Jester. She was a bright light in a dim world. It was hard not to notice Jester, impossible.

It was hard to turn away. Beau knew she should. She knew there were other eyes on her; stranger's enjoying her dance, Fjord’s as they had been for so very long, Caleb’s, though he thought she hadn’t noticed, he thought no one had noticed. (Of course she’d noticed. It was impossible to not notice. He wasn’t as subtle as he thought. Or maybe he was. Maybe when you were looking at someone, you started to take note of who else was, too. Maybe.) Beau forced herself to look away. It was the right thing to do. Beau told herself this. Beau told herself a lot of things.

Deep breath, move your eyes to your drink, your table, your hands. Keep your gaze low. Keep your hopes with it. They’ll choke you otherwise, She tells herself these things. It’s still hard. 

Beau finishes her drink. There’s dancing to do. There’s liquor to have. There’s people to talk to, or punch. Beau forgoes all of that, skirting around the edge of the tavern, and stepping outside. It’s cold. She knew that already, but the bite of it is still shocking. So is the only change since she was last outside; the faint drifting snow. It’s just starting to settle, and she can tell it will be gone with the morning sun. She begs other things to melt with it. 

It’s hard. She doesn’t have any expectations for it. She isn’t ever going to make a move. Never was. But still, It would be easier if the feelings would fade away. Most of her other feelings have faded away. Most of her other relationships and flings have been temporary. Logically, she knows this will be too. Everything is, she reasoned with herself on a near daily basis these past few weeks. It all fades away, or burns up. She’s just starting to get impatient. It’s the only reason she stupidly told Nott. It’s the only reason she voiced it aloud. She was hoping it would make it all fade away. 

It didn’t. Which, she figures, is why she’s out, wandering towards a lantern post, in the snow, in a town she can’t remember the name of, somewhere in the empire, near where they need to be to help a friend, but not there yet.

Beau lifts her eyes to the sky, watching the slow, spiraling sparkles, lit by the moon and the pitiful flicker of the lantern. It was beautiful, it was wonderful, it was biting cold and painful. That's how it is on this bitch of a world, she knew. That which was beautiful was also painful. She watched it in her friends' lives over and over. She watched Nott suffer little blows every time she saw her family. She saw Yasha's smiles turn from soft to sad when she pressed another flower in her book. She watched Caduceus, even with him being so good at hiding his emotions, go from hopeful at seeing his family, to mournful thinking of the home they'd lost. 

What is beautiful is also painful. Always true. Never trust what you look at and want. It will hurt you. 

"Beau!" Beau whirled around quickly, not out of fear, not reaching for a weapon, but because she can't help but turn to face that voice when it calls. 

Jester had the good sense to put on her coat, cheeks tinged, breath swirling the snow with every one as she drew closer. 

"Hey, Jessie." Beau replied, smiling softly. 

"Beau, you're going to freeze out here, did you forget your jacket?" Jester rushed out, coming to a stop inches away. 

"I just needed some fresh air." She said head shaking. "I, uh, it was getting too crowded in there."

Jester's laugh was like music to Beau. "You sound like Caleb! Come on! Nott got herself into a drinking contest and we  _ might _ need to be backup." Jester pulled on Beau's hand, her hand warm against the cold that was setting into Beau's skin. 

Beau followed, both because she had no choice, being pulled along so hard, and because it was Jester asking. 

As they walked back the few dozen paces Beau’s eyes trailed on swishing skirts, and she smiled.


End file.
